New Beginnings...

As cliche as it seems to begin the new year with a post about new beginnings it just seems fitting for me at this point in time regardless of the time of year.  I feel somewhat hyprocritical when I made a statement the other day about how I find it funny people choose the new year to make resolutions for change when every day is a new beginning.  Every day, every hour and every moment in our lives is an opportunity to make a difference in this world.  Change doesn't need to be something earth shattering or huge, it can be the smallest things we do which make us feel good, make us smile and make us feel proud of who we are.  Change is not about being someone better, it's about being who we want to be.  For me, I want to be a better mother for my son, a more organized person in my life, someone who "has their shit together", you know?  A lot of people seem to think I already have it together; that I manage a full time job, a mortgage and car payments, my 11 year old son and everything else that goes along with it all, and that I do it all on my own seems to make me a 'got it together' kinda gal.  It sure doesn't feel like it a lot of the time though. 

With the christmas season over and a lot of unwanted (on my part) busy-ness out of the way I feel I have had a bit of a chance to mull over some of the changes in my life as of late.  At the end of November I requested a full-time weekend position at work so I would be able to be more of a presence in my son's life during the week.  I love my job, and I love the people I work with, and I also like the monday to friday gig...it keeps me in a routine (as disorganized as it seems at times); However, working on a rotating schedule of daytime and evening shifts has taken a bit of a toll on my spawn.  One week I work 3-11, where he comes home to an empty house, has dinner with family or friends, and puts himself to bed.  We get all of a half an hour together on those days while I'm rushing him off to school in the mornings.  The following week, while I am home in the evening, he wakes upto an empty house, makes himself a lunch and heads off to school.  Weekends consist of visits, housework, homework and rest.  Not a lot of "quality" time together.  He spends a lot of time in an empty house with only the dogs as company.  I have visions of the old fable of a boy raised by wolves...I know that's a little extreme, but you'd be surprised what thoughts can cross a mother's mind when she questions her parenting abilities.  So this week I begin my new shift.  Off monday to friday, and work a double shift both saturday and sunday.  There are a lot of pros and cons which go along with this....

Pros:  More time at home, less time at work, same pay, essentially double the vacation time

Cons:  Miss out on weekday happenings at work, leave my fabulous team of awesomeness,

Okay maybe not as many as I thought....Anyway, I've had a lot of mixed feelings about the switch, but I know it is what I wanted and I need to keep my priorities in mind.  I have an incredible team (of one) at work who I am extremely sad to leave.  Though we've only been a team for a few months now we have worked extremely well together from the start.  I think you are really the main reason for the mixed feelings around this schedule change.  I couldn't have hand picked a better teammate for myself.  I really try not to mix my personal and professional life, but sometimes we meet people in our professional lives we just are not ready to let go of.  I know it's not the "end" but I will miss you dearly my friend, coffee dates for sure!!  :)

Okay...re-focus.....So five days off during the week will give me time to basically be a "stay-at-home" mom.  I can drive my kid to school, be here when he gets home, attend any performances during the day, not have to worry about leaving work or taking time off if he's sick and needs to stay home from school.  I will have plenty of time to maintain my household, get shopping done, keep up on laundry, keep up on cleaning, and have all these things not feel like so much of a chore because I have 5 days to do them all not just 1.  I can visit my boyfriend more than once a week and not feel guilty for leaving my kid one day of the weekend to do it because he will be in school and not miss a thing.  I can be here for my dogs on a regular basis, they will not need to be locked up for 8 hours, 5 days a week, they can just be here and be free, take more frequent trips to the dog park where they can actually run more than 4 strides at a time.  Yes, I know this is a good decision for me and I feel very lucky to have to opportunity to be able to do it. 

I remember I once came to the realization that my job is my way of making a living, not my way of life.  This shouldn't change just because my line of work changed.  My life is my kid, my family, my boyfriend, my dogs....MYSELF....As much as I love my job and I want to make a difference in those kids lives, I need to start by making a difference in my own, and making sure someone else doesn't need to make a difference in my own son's life, because I want to be that difference.  He is the reason I've done everything I have thus far, and he is the reason I will do anything and everything else in my life.  Sometimes we just need a reminder of what's important in life....sometimes there are many important things/people in our lives and we need to take the time to prioritize and re-prioritize. 

I think I've got it straight.....for now....

RB