Return to Innocence

So here we go, day one again.  I was telling my boyfriend about this blog last night on the phone and how I had been reading over my old posts as a reminder.  He called me a nerd...lol.  I laughed and reminded him this is one of the things he loves about me to which he agreed.  He admitted this was something he would never think to take the time to do.  Personally, I'm glad I have decided to revisit this part of my life.  As I write I am happy, calm and a smile comes to my face just thinking of the little things which made me smile today.  Nothing spectacular, nothing earth-shattering, just pure moments of joy in a day filled with sleep deprivation, the busy-ness of things to do at work, and an excruciatingly long drive home in bumper to bumper traffic.  As I try to recall the times I genuinely smiled today it's nothing but those simple things in life which come to mind.  Troubled youth at yet another difficult time in their life, singing their little hearts out as if no one is listening.  Using the one universal language in this world to self-soothe and unknowingly create a moment of joy in another person's life.  I think of the lo-o-o-ng drive home where I too did nothing but sing my own little heart out to pass the time.  Not caring if the occupants of the surrounding vehicles thought I looked silly, just enjoying one of my own favorite things....music.  The beat that has my fingers tapping on the steering wheel, my heading bopping up and down, and the sound of my voice bellowing out the words of a complete stranger which seem to speak to me so deeply.  Arriving home to the smile on a young boys face, who's own joy is captured in the return home of his mother; the hug I get from him when I come up the stairs and the eager stories I hear about his day;  The sound of my phone ringing, knowing it's someone who loves me completely and unconditionally...calling to see how my day was, share his own tales, and telling me how much he misses and loves me.  These are the things that made my day today.  May you all enjoy the little things you experienced today in the hectic and busy world we live.  Singing as if no-one is listening, dancing as if no-one is watching, and telling those you care about exactly how much you love them.  Think of it as a return to innocence, a child who sings to hear their voice, dances because they are happy, and don't shy away from their excitement of seeing those they love.

Too little....Not too late

Wow, 9 months since I last posted...so much for sticking with it, huh?  Oh well, better late than never.  I was inspired last night by a co-worker who's blog I discovered.  I read so many inspiring things in her posts that I was reminded of this one I set up.  It didn't feel like it was THAT long ago I did it....guess time really does fly.  So today will be the first installment of what I hope to be a continuous daily journal of the positive things I encounter each day.  Some might be huge things, some might be small, but regardless of the content, I hope each story inspires someone.

I made it!!!! Day 10 of Positive Goodness :)

okay...so it's a day late, but yesterday was day 10 and I have succeeded in my 10 day postings of positive things. I had a really great day yesterday. I went to school and attended a presentation on Schizophrenia. It was presented by about a dozen men and women who suffer from the disorder in the manner of a play. It was so well done and had me in tears at one point. It gave me such an understanding of what these men and women go through on a daily basis. I left the presentation with such a positive feeling and feeling very fortunate about the disorders I have faced in my own life. Things could be so much more difficult.

I went to work after school and was then told to "fuck off!" by a 15 year old girl three times in the first 10 minutes of my shift. It was a moment of realization of what I will be doing for the rest of my working life, and how much I am looking forward to showing these kids I will accept them even in their roughest moments.

After work I met up with a few friends and had a couple of drinks, sang a couple of songs and had a really enjoyable rest of the night. It was really just a good day overall. I didn't feel any negativity throughout my day at all.

Until next time my friends, stay positive! :)

Day 9....Almost there...

Can you believe it? Almost done my ten days of positive goodness blogs....okay, so they weren't ten days straight, but ten days nonetheless...lol. I have received some feedback about how I should keep this going and not stop after the ten days. I know most of you reading are following from my facebook links and I would like to know what you think about this thought. If you would like me to continue these writings I will certainly do my best to keep it up. Just leave a comment on the post, or you can comment on the link I post on Facebook.

Okay..so today was a little interesting...a wee bit thought provoking for me. My son....10 1/2 years old tells me last night he's not feeling well. I take his temperature and it's actually a few degrees low! What does THAT mean? I dunno...Anyway, he seemed fine and had a good sleep but this morning tells me he still does not feel well. So I decided he could stay home from school. I told him if he stayed home that also meant he couldn't go to his Jiu Jitsu class, and he couldn't go to the neighbor's place to play. Now....for those of you who do not know, I am a full time student and single mother. Over the past few years I have had quite a bit of time to spend with my son, but this semester, my last one before graduating is getting to be very busy. Although I am only in school two days a week (monday and friday), I am also doing my practicum shifts twice a week (tuesday and thursday). These shifts alternate from week to week between a day shift and an evening shift. When it is an evening shift I don't get home until 11:30 - 12:00 so the time for us basically consists of first thing in the morning when we are rushing to get him off to school. Now....on top of the classes and practicum shifts I have also been hired as a relief staff at the same agency and have been taking on two shifts each week for actual paid work...(a novel concept, I know...lol)...so this leaves one day a week where I don't have to work or go to school. I know you are probably wondering how this all ties together but keep reading...LOL. So anyway......My son has really noticed the decrease in my presence at home. We have talked about it, and he knows it's a good thing, that it will give me more experience towards getting a job, as well as the extra money will help us out as well. SO!!! back to Jaden and him being sick....(the ties are forming)....He was SOOOO not sick...lol. There was nothing wrong with him at all. He was in good spirits, he was eating his meals, and I started to think he maybe just wanted to spend some time together to make up for the lack of time we've had. Anyway, he said he wasn't faking, but I think he was...and to be honest I think it's sweet. We got up this morning, I put on coffee and laundry...(yes...in that order...priorities you know)...and then we sat down and played a game of Monopoly. It was pretty awesome. It was a couple hours straight of just us and a fun game. No interruptions, no cell phone, no computer, just him and I and Monopoly.

So the positive today is the love I have from my child. One who misses his mom so much lately that he decides to be "sick" so we can have some time together. That couple hours with him today was the best time I have spent all week....well..that and the kisses and snuggles :) So be sure to make time for those little ones, because sometimes we don't really realize how busy we get at times and who ends up getting the short end of the stick at times, but I guarantee you even though we don't notice, they sure do.

Day 8 of...yup...you guessed it...POSITIVE GOODNESS!! :)

Okay, day 8....again a pretty lack-lustre day, but a day nonetheless, and the goal here is to find the positives. As little excitement as I had in my day it still evokes a positive vibe because nothing bad happened...therefore this is a positive in itself. I read in the paper today about two young children here in Alberta found dead in the bathtub of their home....the oldest was only 2 years old. This is a reminder to me how precious life is not just of those little ones around us, but for all of us. I can't imagine a tragedy such as this striking my family or anyone close to me. I sent off my own child to school today before I was aware of this terrible happening less than three hours away from me. I went about my day, read the news stories, performed my job to the best of my ability, and when I came home I dropped my bag and without hesitation headed right upstairs to the joy of my life. He was still awake in bed and I laid down next to him for a hug and a snuggle I will not ever take for granted. To be able to come home and kiss my child goodnight and tell him I love him is the most positive thing that could ever happen to me. My heart goes out to the family of those two beautiful young boys at this terrible time and would like to say they are in a better place, but I firmly believe the best place for those boys would be in the arms of their loving father for a bedtime kiss and snuggle. Instead he grieves for the loss of not one, but both his young children over a tragedy that probably could have been avoided and should never have happened. Rest in peace young ones, you will receive nothing but kisses and snuggles for the rest of eternity. So tonight I ask all of you to forget the crappy rush hour traffic, long days at work, alarms that did not go off, and the asshole that cut you off in traffic and be thankful for being able to say 'goodnight' to your loved ones, the opportunities for goodnight kisses, hugs and bedtime snuggles and just remember those close to you who fill each day of yours with positive goodness.

Day Seven people!!!!

So today was another fairly uneventful day. I spent the morning sipping a coffee, checking email and putzing around on Facebook....Then I showered...that's a positive...lol, and off to practicum I went. So this evening at practicum I worked with a young girl who is on an independent program. She is not able to be involved in groups with the other girls in our program for reasons I will not get into. I've heard much about her from other staff and she has a long relationship with our program over the last 5 or so years. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but we had a really good evening. She opened up about some things, and we had a really great talk about her goals and dreams in life and where she would ultimately like to end up. She was really insightful about our conversations and really had a lot to contribute. I had a chance to speak with her clinician at the end of the night and he seemed pretty pleased with the outcome of our evening. This made me really happy. Being able to draw out this type of conversation from a girl who's done everything but give up on life and who seems to avoid any type of program she can. I left my shift tonight feeling really good about what she was able to accomplish. :)

Day six of positve goodness

The long awaited post of day six is now here!!!

So....I have gotten a little behind.....busy, busy, busy. Not only am I in school 2 days a week, working practicum two days a week, parenting my ten year old son, doing homework assignments and trying to keep my house in somewhat of an order, now I am also working two shifts per week at the same agency where I am completing my practicum. Whew!!! Okay, excuses aside, lets put day 6 as yesterday.

Okay, so yesterday, February 1, 2010...Monday....oh monday how many despise thee. I had a pretty good day yesterday. I got my son off to school and went back to bed only to wake up to the most horrible dream I have had in years. Not only did I have that rude awakening, but in my half awake stupor I was positive I heard someone in my house!! Boots walking around and dishes in the kitchen....kinda scary. I opened my door and said, "Hello?" Nothing...took my loyal guard dogs downstairs with me and said "Hello?" again.....Nothing....No one in the house...that's a positive....lol. In hindsight I'm sure my dogs would have barked or been licking the perpetrator (had there been one) but they were quietly laying outside my bedroom door....but like I said, I was half asleep and just had an awful nightmare. Anyway, I got up, got ready for school, picked up my fabulous cup of coffee on the way and although being rushed and running late got to school in plenty of time, found a parking spot right up front and had time to spare as I sat in my desk. All positives!!!

We learn how to do genograms....never thought they could get so complicated, but really interesting. We get out an hour early which for me means I get to beat the rush hour traffic (POSITIVE!!) and get home before my son does. Yay! Watched the hockey game with our four new players......crappy game!!! (negative) but enjoyable company nonetheless. (I watched with my neighbor and was able to visit with him and his kids. Our boys played video games and his girls hung out with us. It was a good evening....despite the loss.

Came home, got the kiddo into bed, and curled up in my own bed for a quiet rest of the evening. So not really an exciting day, but a good one.

Happy day six people!

Alright, so life kinda got the better of me this past week and I have fallen waaaaay behind in my 10 days of positive goodness. Although I may have a pretty good memory it's reeeeeaaaally short, so trying to remember what happened on what days is going to be quite the chore. So here's what I'm going to do instead. I am going to start over, with today being day number 5....or 6, whichever one I left off on, and I will just skip over the entire last week. Many things did happen over the week, some good, some bad, but there is no way I will remember what goes where. So I will write again tonight about today and go from there. :)

Day Five of Positive Goodness

Sooooooo......tired.....8:17 pm and ready to crash...that's what I get....lol. Oh well. Here is a positive right off the bat. As i sit here typing I listen to my lovely niece playing my guitar....the one which I have yet to learn how to play, and singing her little heart out. I think I could listen to her play and sing all night. She has such a beautiful voice, and self-taught on the guitar....so talented. As I sit here and listen to the conviction in her voice, and watch the passion in her face, I know she will go far.

Today I worked my first relief shift at work....yes, I am a practicum student, and now I am also working for money...thrilled about this. Before the end of my shift the coordinator pulled me into her office to search the schedule for any available shifts I would like. So now I have at least another half dozen shifts to take on and I am so excited. I now get to experience some other areas of this agency. The shift today went great, so I cannot complain in the least. But I need to get some sleep, so that is all for today.

Day Four of Positive Goodness

Tuesday, January 19th.....Unfortunately my computer was down last night and I was unable to write...now I am struggling to remember what I did yesterday....My morning was pretty uneventful, made some much needed phone calls, had a quick visit with a very long time friend before I headed off to my practicum for the night. The night was really great. It was pretty laid back and all the girls were in a pretty positive space. We played some cards, had some dinner, baked a cake, and played a boardgame....that's about it......EXCEPT!!!!! for the fact that I got a call from another program on campus and was able to secure my very first PAID shift. HOORAY!!!!!! So Wednesday I will work a relief shift in the Secure Services program of our agency and actually get paid. I'm so excited! Not only will this give me some experience in a different program, but now I will start to get a bit of money in my pocket to help alleviate the scraping of pennies.

After work I stopped in on another friend of mine and had a really great chat and visit, it was awesome. Although it did leave for very little sleep before I had to get up this morning, it was very much worth it. So good things happened today, good shift at work, good visits with friends, and paid shifts in my future.

Day Three of positive goodness

Day three....Monday....usually an "ugh!" to most, but for me it's not so bad. My schedule this semester is freakin' awesome! I get to sleep in on Mondays, how awesome is that?! This morning I got up, made a fabulous pot of coffee and brought a cup over to my neighbor. I thought I'd pop by and visit while he still had his daughter with him, (she's 3). So when I get there She decides she wants to watch 'Up'. I have never seen this movie before but have been told by many how good it is. I didn't have any intention of staying for the whole movie because I was a mess and had an afternoon class to get to.....buuuuuut......I got sucked in. At first I thought, 'what the hell kind of kids movie is this??? It's really sad!!' It made me sad because it reminded me of my own grandparents, and how in love they were through the many years they were together (over 60!)....that's not very common these days unfortunately. Anyway, then things start to get a little silly and I start to laugh, and before I know it the movie is over and I have to rush off to school....a mess!! So needless to say it was definitely a ponytail and hat day...lol. I had such a relaxing morning with good company, good coffee, and some good laughs.

The afternoon went on, I got to school, found a parking space no problem, which at my school these days is a HUGE positive in itself, and went to class. My three hour class felt like only an hour which means it was awesome...lol. After class (at 4:00), I'm thinking...'Crowchild is going to be screwed!! right in the middle of rush hour...sigh...maybe I'll try Sarcee...so I did...which happens to pass by my old workplace from before I went back to school. I still keep in touch with one person there, so I decided I would stop in to say 'hello'. I had such a great visit there! Not many faces are the same since I left, but I did see a few, and they are all the ones I still enjoyed seeing before I left. Fabulous people! I had such a nice little chat with my friend Lorna, and caught up with a few others while I was there as well. It was great, I'm so glad I decided to drop in. So I leave around 5:30 to head home and get dinner for the kids and I, I hit hardly NO traffic at all, and arrive home to find my son and my neice, believe it or not....IN THE SAME ROOM! Can you believe it? A sixteen year old and and 10 year old, hanging out, playing video games, listening to some tunes and most importantly getting along fabulously. We then had a little family meeting to discuss how things were going to be should things continue on this way and everyone was content and happy, and that.......that makes me happy! I went back to my neighbors to watch the hockey game....HUGE negative....joke of game that was....so moving on....game home and had a very well rested sleep. Hooray again! So until tonight my lovely followers, that was day number 3. :)

Day two of positive goodness

Okay, so ...... a little late on the positing of day two....considering day three is almost over, but here it is. So yesterday was Sunday....sunday waking up without a child, and I woke up at 8:00 am....yup....8 on a sunday with no reason to get up at such an hour, but wide awake I was. No chance of getting back to sleep, so up I get. First positive...I actually felt well rested. Yay!!! So I grabbed a coffee and headed to my mom's work where she was starting her shift to pick up Jaden. Here is where the next positive comes along. Have you ever had the pleasure of locking your child in the trunk of a car? I HAVE!!! LOL. My mother got a new car last week and was showing my son the safety feature which is the latch in trunk should you ever for some reason get locked inside. Well...being the 10 year old boy that he is, he wanted to test it out. So in he climbed, and down went the trunk. I now know what it sounds like when someone is trapped inside the trunk of a car....you know, in case I should ever be walking down the street and hear some thuds and banging....I can now recognize that someone is in fact stuck in the trunk of their car and perhaps need assistance in their escape....this could save lives!! lol.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, came home to do some much needed laundry. I must say, with all the coverage regarding the devastation in Haiti, I am very thankful I have a safe home to return to, electricity, and running water in order to complete such tasks. I tidied my bedroom, completed my laundry and received a phone call from my beautiful neice. So now I have a lovely housegues who at the very TEEN age of 16 is comfortable enough to call me when she is in need, and knows she has a place to come to. This is a positive in itself because it makes me feel I have succeeded in starting to become the person I want to be...one who is inviting, helpful, and empathic...one who people are comfortable coming to in times of need.

Until later tonight...that is day two.

Day one of positive goodness

Okay, so today was a pretty not so exciting day. I woke up with the final remains of a headache from my last few days of flu and took my son to Jiu Jitsu class. I somewhat enjoyed my first coffee in three days while having my usual and very enjoyable conversations with the father of a couple of the other kids. On the way home Jaden asked if he could go to Grandma's, to which I responded, "I think she's at work"...but I dialed the phone for him and low and behold Grandma was at home and happy to have a visit. So off to Grandma's we went. By now my headache was gone, which after three solid days was a VERY positive thing. Had a nice visit at Grandma's house and played some Jenga Extreme....fun as it was I don't recommend it if you like straight things....the tower always looks crooked...lol. But we did have some good 'ol family fun playing that with Grandma and Suzanne. I then headed back to Calgary on my own as Jaden was staying for a sleepover, and headed to my good friend Trudy's house. I promised a beautiful wee girl a slurpee a week ago and figured I'd better make good on my promise. When I got to Trudy's place I was able to sneak into the kitchen undetected by the wee one and crouched down behind the counter. She was called into the kitchen to see what was there for her...she came around the corner and her eyes just lit up when she saw me...and no, the first words were not, "Aunty, where's my slurpee?" as it has been before...it was just plain "Aunty!" followed by a most wonderful hug. I handed her the slurpee which you would think was a million dollars if the look on her face came from you or I, and proceeded to read a book with my darling little niece. She sat beside me, leaned her head into my shoulder, looked me in the eyes and said, "I missed you." It was so beautiful. It is moments like those with the children of this world which create many of the positive moments in our lives. (And of course the words they pronounce such as, "Yes Mommy, I undermastand." LOL.)

So this my friends was day one of positives, the tail end of sickness falling away from me, the genuine fun to be had with family while playing childhood games, and the beautiful innocence of the young children in our lives. Conversations with good friends, and coming home to a quiet house, loyal puppies, and a cozy bed for a night of movies. :) Goodnight all!

Ten Days of Positive Goodness

Okay, so I have this friend Alaina who is doing a little experiment in trying to find the good things in life again. In this experiment she is going to document ten days of her life focusing on the good and positive things that happened throughout each day. I thought.....'What a great idea!' So I have decided to do the same thing. So today will be day 1....yesterday was hers, her story was pretty funny. So here I will keep record of the next ten days and the good and positive things that happen to me each day (even if they are just little things). Enjoy the adventures and misadventures of ME! :)

Robyn